HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

ELECTRIC DRILL: Normally used for spinning rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works well for drilling mounting holes into a fuel tank.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools based on the chaos principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads if nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your hangar on fire.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British engines and airplanes, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16-inch or 1/2-inch socket for which you've been searching the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for converting rotary motion to rapid horizontal travel, ie, by snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted aircraft part you were drying. Can also be used to convert rotary action to compression, as when fingers are smashed between same bar stock and upright column behind.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws the bolt against the airplane and then somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch!"

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an airplane to the ground after you have installed your new tires, trapping the jack handle firmly under the landing gear leg.

EIGHT-FOOT-LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2x4: Used for levering an airplane upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing douglas fir splinters.

TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light (for good reason), it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under airplanes at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at a prodigious rate. Another handy use is to charge the frame of the plane with beneficial 117VAC, which the mechanic can find invigorating. Although the first word of its name is apt, the last part is somewhat misleading, as it is more often dark than light.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Formerly used to stab the lids of old- style paper- and- tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; its remaining sole use is, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago, and twists the heads off.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding the clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50- cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2-inch too short.